~~NEWSLETTER WEEKLY -FINDING A PLACE FOR MOM
-A Real Life Family Journey
Listen to the newsletter story of Dorothy and Dan, two young kids, who married and made a life in the city that never sleeps, New York. Dorothy and Dan had three kids – Anna, Frank and Paula. Dan made a career in the military, while Dorothy raised their three children, AnnA the oldest, Frank next and Paula was their last.
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Life was really good. Anna and Paula followed their parents to Florida, but Frank held on to the city he knew and loved. He was a New Yorker through and through. Then one day life changed, Dan took ill and passed away. Dorothy was lucky that she had spousal survivor benefits from Dan. Dan also had some savings that would help Dorothy for a while. Dorothy’s health insurance continued and the 2 bedroom condo they purchased had an affordable mortgage payment based on Dan’ annuity. Dorothy’s survivor annuity was for less than what Dan’s income had been so she had to be very careful.
Dorothy had never worked outside of the home, and had no income other than what Dan had provided. She missed Dan, kept his picture on the night stand, but went on with her life. There were no grandchildren, so Dorothy adopted two sweet kittens. Time seemed to fly like the wind and Paula, her youngest, began to notice some lapses in her mother’s memory. She was soon diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. The disease was there, but most the time she seemed fairly lucid.
One day in the very early morning, Dorothy’s medical alert button was pushed. She had fallen and lay on the floor for hours. She couldn’t get up and was mentally confused. It was clear she could no longer stay in her home alone, even with her daughter living only minutes away. The fall caused several fractured ribs landing her in the hospital followed by a stay in rehab.
The family was now forced to decide on a place for Mom. Paula wanted her home. Anna wanted her in an assisted living facility and Frank said there was not enough money to cover expenses in a residential facility. The mortgage, HOA, utilities and everything had to be paid at Dorothy’s condo because the market was not favorable to sell the condo.
There was not enough money to pay for the condo and pay for Dorothy to live in a facility. The savings were gone and the $2200 a month survivor annuity was the only income Dorothy had. She could not stay in rehab forever and she was confused and worried about her cats. She wanted to go home with her Mother, Paula. The Alzheimer’s was progressing. She now thought her daughter was her deceased mother.
Paula, a loving and devoted daughter and a consummate entrepreneur could not make any decisions as to the placement of her mother. The siblings all had different, hard line positions about their mother’s placement, but only Paula was willing to contribute financially. Due to the economy, Paula’s contributions put a tremendous strain on her own finances.
Well during all of the disagreements and the inability to put any plan in place, Dorothy, was given one week to leave the rehab facility. The pressure of what to do with Mom generated a hospital admission for Paula. She had severe chest pain, shortness of breath and elevated blood pressure. Luckily it was a panic attack due to stress, but not a heart-attack. In the current end, Paula was forced to take Dorothy back to her condo at least temporarily until an affordable place could be found.
None of us can predict the future or avoid the unexpected. Dorothy is an 88 year old woman with Alzheimer’s, a disease that generally gets progressively worse. There were no plans in place, putting the family in a desperate, tense, unmanageable situation. Paula, the closest member of the family to her Mother, both in living distance and emotional connection, was becoming physically ill due to not being able to get a handle on the situation. She had to work and Dorothy could not be left alone. What to do with Mom?
This family’s unresolved journey is a real-life lesson to all who have aging parents or who will have aging parents. Plans must be put in place. Resources must be evaluated and sources of support must be researched. It is apparent that Dorothy will never regain the ability to live independently again. She can, however, be a lesson to a new generation. Although Americans are living longer, getting older usually means needing more medical care and help with daily living activities. The price tag is high and preparing in advance is the only way to afford the cost of living longer. We hope this newsletter was helpful.
P. S. Always Remember to Share What You Know.
Dianna Tafazoli
